On the Third Day of Christmas, Evil Gave To Me… Three Daft Songs!
Evil Christmas Carols! Two new and one from the archives. Everyone sing along!
First up, a ballad of the Evil UnLtd crew, to the tune of God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen.
Arrest these Evil gentlemen
They should be put away
For criminal behaviour
They must be made to pay
Their villainy it knows no bounds
And their idea of play
Is to kill, lay to waste and destroy,
And to destroy
Is to kill, lay to waste and destroy
*
There’s Dexter Snide, he is the boss,
He really loves to hate
Anything remotely good
On his nerves tends to grate
The only things he really loves
Are schemes upon his plate
Like to kill, lay to waste and to destroy
And to destroy
Like to kill, lay to waste and destroy
*
When there’s a need for muscle
It comes from Mr Knucks
He’ll shoot you in both kneecaps
He’ll nut you in the head
But unlike others of his type
He’s really quite well-read
Though he kills, lays to waste and he destroys
And he destroys
Though he kills, lays to waste and destroys
*
Doomladen is the scientist,
At his height you may scoff,
But every sci-fi universe
Needs its own Evil Prof,
For biowarfare and the like
To kill the heroes off
And to build war machines and deadly toys
And deadly toys
And to build war machines and such toys
*
Mr Ferret is a mystery
In his eyepatch and heels,
He is an expert torturer
In pain and suffering deals,
But often at the sight of blood
You might well hear his squeals
Hard to tell if he’s a girl or she’s a boy
Girl or a boy
Hard to tell if he’s a girl or a boy
*
Let’s not forget the Robot
Who’s bristling with guns
He’s armoured like a battle tank
And on Evil software runs
And though he is emotionless
I think he finds it fun
Just to kill, lay to waste and to destroy
And to destroy
Just to kill, lay to waste and destroy
*
The Hatchling spends much of his time
Curled up inside his shell
But when he hatches out of it,
There’s sure to be all hell
Nothing floats his boat more than
To stay out for a spell.
Just to kill, lay to waste and to destroy
And to destroy
Just to kill, lay to waste and destroy
*
So arrest these Evil gentlemen,
They really are too bad
For all the helpless innocents
You have to feel quite sad
They’ve added kidnap to their crimes
They must be a bit mad
To abduct, and to take Tanith Troy,
Take Tanith Troy
To take off with a star like Tanith Troy
SAF 2010
Next, a dedication to the heroes of the Evil universe, to the tune of Away In A Manger
Heroic Space Ranger,
No brain in your head
You stood against Evil
And now you are dead
There were other heroes
Who stood not a chance
When up against Evil
They were a bit pants
Who will save the planets
From these Evil men
Oh Lord, let it not be
Rolph Stengun again
He’s a big action hero
But lacking in sense
He’s strong as a black hole
But he is more dense.
Oh save us, please, someone
From these wretched foes
Here comes a fat guy
And a deer with red nose
Evil UnLimited
Are bad medicine
To them Santa’s fodder
Rudolph’s venison
SAF 2010
And now the oldie:
An Evil UnLtd(TM) Christmas story, to the tune of O Little Town Of Bethlehem!
A lowly band of criminals
Evil UnLimited
They thought a guy called Santa Claus
Quite fat and dim-witted
Yet in this Father Christmas
They all found quite a foe
The bastard caused an avalanche
And buried them in snow
But thanks to Evil Ro-o-bot
They melted their way clear
While in the lead, Knucks warned, “Stampede!”
A herd of fierce reindeer
Came trampling fast toward them
And broke the Hatchling’s shell
The Hatch gave each a bloody nose
And then he dined quite well
How silently, how silently
They broke in Santa’s den
“Well technically it’s a grotto,”
said Ferret to his friends.
“Don’t make me slap you sideways!”
said Dexter with a glare.
That’s when the elves detected them
And all the sirens blared!
And in the ensuing battle
The elves were cannon food
The villains’ blaster weaponry
Did batteries include
For Doomladen’s pref’rence
The plan lacked subtlety
But when they cornered Santa Claus
He said “Please don’t kill me!”
“Why would we want to kill you,
You stupid portly chap.
We want you to deliver these
Instead of toys and crap.”
So then the sleigh was loaded
and launched into the air.
That’s how they got poor Santa Claus
Involved in germ warfare.
SAF Dec 2008
3 Comments
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I love these! They are genius, evil genius obviously. Mwuhaha!
Thanks, Kath! Glad you enjoyed! We do like to have our fun here at Evil UnLtd, especially at Christmas time. Mwu, as you say, hahahah! 🙂
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