Lonely Planet Guide To Goyle – Part 3


It is unknown whether any of the different species of Goyle subscribe to a belief in a higher power. There are no known religious days in any of the calendars and Goyles are not given to daily rituals of worship, unless cleaning and maintaining their weaponry counts. If any of them do lay claim to a Creator, He has more than likely disowned them.

(When this theory was put to one group of Goyles by a reckless evangelist, those Goyles did establish the closest thing to a church known to Goylish society. This ‘Vengeance’ faction eventually united several Goyles of different species under its banner, who all adhere to the basic tenet that if there is a God they will hunt Him down and make him pay. For what exactly, it’s uncertain, but since the evangelist claimed to know where to find Him they sent him ahead as a messenger to warn God they were coming. Prior to this they interrogated the evangelist as to God’s whereabouts but gave up on this as he only answered with vagaries and impossibilities such as ‘He resides in every one of us’.)


Generally foul. Which, you’ll be pleased to hear, is by no means limited to profanities. Many Goyles accompany their vocal outbursts with noxious emissions and eruptions bordering on volcanic. If you are fortunate, your encounters will be with Goyles in sealed space armour, where those emissions are circulated around the suit interior so as to maintain and even augment the wearer’s aggressive disposition. Of course, an armed and armoured Goyle is thus more inclined to kill you just to vent some of that pent-up aggression, but that is infinitely preferable to their venting anything else. If life among or in the proximity of Goyles teaches us anything it is to count our blessings.

But really with the translation technology available in this day and age there’s scant need to cover the actual linguistic ins and outs in any detail, and in any case it would only amount to a lengthy discourse on monosyllabic grunts compressed together in long strings and retaining their capitalisation nine times out of ten. If you do happen to deactivate your translator for an authentic taste of local flavour you will hear what sounds like a dyspeptic frog that’s swallowed a machine gun. This will vary minimally from one Goylish race to another, and the range of variations can easily be imagined with changes to the make of machine gun, the breed of frog or the degree of dyspepsia.



However, if none of the above has been a sufficient deterrent and you as a traveller are absolutely set on a visit, there is plenty more to put you off the whole idea in the next section: Facts For The Visitor.

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