Lonely Planet Guide To Goyle – Part 2


Again, as with geography, take your pick.

Some of the realities appear to boast complex weather systems, while others seem stuck with the kind of global climate types that were a feature of a lot of popular science fiction at one point. Thus, depending on the timing of your visit, you might find yourself on a jungle planet, a desert planet or perhaps a permanently wintry world inhabited by the fur-clad and especially moody Snowgoyles. Goyle has been described by some as a veritable monochrome kaleidoscope.


Limited. It seems likely that in all the parallels with all the different species of Goyle that would suggest there must be a few examples who are scholastically inclined. Evidence so far appears to run counter to statistical probability and it’s possible that the more academic Goylish species went the way of the Minigoyles. It is still hoped by some that the universe might eventually be introduced to a better class of Goyle, but for the present most species confine their education to some sort of military academy.


War! (Good god, y’all!) What is it good for? The Goylish economy.

Clearly, with so many different parallels there is a lot of scope for diverse economies but the fact is all Goylish nations operate on the guiding principle that while there’s a war on there’s no sense in doing the accounts. War is their number one generator of revenue and their number one expenditure. War being a costly high-risk industry, the only way to maintain the economy is to continue expansion, invading other worlds and plundering their riches and resources to fund further expansion and so on. Goyles do at least have one advantage in that, should expansion prove too costly and difficult in a given spatial direction they can always attempt to conquer another Goylish parallel reality since new ones are opening up all the time on their homeworld. These realities also close down with the frequency of shops during a credit crunch, so expeditionary forces into these rival domains can go missing for some years at a time. Not to mention the whole parallel universe warfare thing can get terribly confusing. As an aide memoire to keeping track of which nations are at war with which there is an unwritten assumption that a state of war exists between all Goylish nations and everyone else unless there is written evidence to the contrary.

This can take the form of a peace treaty – a rare document in Goylish circles – or a basic profit and loss account demonstrating the economic folly of further conflict. The latter is a dangerous gamble because some Goylish commanders may interpret evidence of an enemy having nothing worthwhile taking as a sign of an enemy easily crushed – and hang the expense.

With everything geared towards warfare, it goes without saying that all Goyles serve in the military. All other industries and services rely on the injured and retirees for personnel and since most Goyles would rather die than, say, shop work or waiting tables in a cafe, there are often widespread staff shortages in all sectors. Premium jobs for retired military personnel include policing and private security but these positions are very quickly filled on a first-come, first-beat-your-opponents basis. Some of the less desirable vacancies can be filled by persuading the employee that there are combined responsibilities: thus a waiter is also advertised as security officer who patrols a set number of tables. But since the entire non-military economy only exists to cater to the retired and/or injured – and the occasional visitor – nobody much cares how things get done and this sector of the Goyle economy is pretty much left to fend for itself.

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