Welcome

Welcome to 4d Evil. Or Evil 4D, if you prefer. Everything  seems to be going 3D in the world of cinema and even TV lately and the folks at Evil UnLtd always like to go at least one better.

Evil UnLtd proved very popular among readers on Harper Collins’ authonomy website. The following is the blurb I posted to accompany the sample chapters there:

The Farce Of The Dark Side: Villains Are The New Heroes In This Epic Sci Fi Adventure

Evil UnLtd: on a mission of indefinite duration, to seek out new evil schemes and boldly go to depths and extremes where no super-villain has gone before.

Sinister supreme genius and super-villain, Dexter Snide, has floated Evil on the stock market and has gathered together a band of fellow villains, whose key challenge now is to ensure that Evil shows a consistent profit.

But Evil has its (some would say unfair) share of enemies: Heroes in all sorts of nauseating shapes and sizes, up to and including muscle-headed action man, Rolph Stengun; and, because Evil is a highly competitive field, rivals, such as the mysterious figure who has his Visigoyle minions shadowing their every move.

What begins as a heist to steal the greatest prize in the galaxy, draws Evil UnLtd into a devious plot to crash their enterprise before it’s reached a fraction of its warped potential.

There is one thing of which their enemy may be certain: when anyone draws Dexter Snide into their sinister web, there will be serious disagreement over who gets to be chief spider…

Rather than just include excerpts here, I thought it would be fun to write pieces that feature characters and worlds from the Evil UnLtd universe, which is what this place is about. For the time being though, I thought I’d launch proceedings with an extract from Volume 1, which should serve as an introduction to the members of the gang who make the Reservoir Dogs look like poodles:

They stepped out in style, together. A team. A syndicate. A force to be reckoned with:

DEXTER SNIDE:

While God’s recipe for mankind had ensured his creations came in all shapes and sizes, the Devil had prepared Dexter Snide exclusively julienne. A blanched strip of inhumanity, parcelled in a long coat of purest midnight; his hair slicked back from a high brow and his eyes gleaming like a pair of black holes with cores of hard diamond. He strode out, cane locked in his willowy fingers, with all the innate superiority of an ugly duckling who had achieved maturity, confident in the knowledge that, no matter how big the pond, he was forever destined to be surrounded by lesser mortals.

MR KNUCKS:

Gravel-eyed, head shaped like a boulder, features set in concrete and pebble-dashed with stubble, built like a brick shithouse. A pair of hard shoulders the envy of any motorway, he walked out with a lazy swagger, clad in tough leathers, boots made for kicking down doors and other more animate obstacles – and a bow tie. Smart and casual.

THE HATCHLING:

Currently, a large speckled egg, its shell a deceptively innocuous hue of pastel green; borne along with ready ease by Mr Knucks.

MR FERRET:

Weasel-faced, with a crest of rat-coloured hair, a cruel slope to his brow accentuated by the eyepatch and an even crueller scar across one finely structured cheekbone; in his dapper suit, tightly knotted cravat and high-heeled boots, he moved with the mincing gait of a vicious squirrel, intent on mischief. The female might well be deadlier than the male, among humans and rodents alike, but here was an individual who clearly believed he had invented a new and far deadlier gender of his own.

PROFESSOR DOOMLADEN:

A small, crumpled package of a man, wired and dangerous, like a letter bomb with a nervous tic. Fussy wisps of hair clinging to a balding dome of a head, eyes on constant patrol, as though guarding all the dark secrets within. All this ocular activity fenced in and magnified behind a pair of glasses with rims like iron bars and lenses meant for an orbital telescope. Shoulders hunched under a hastily-donned lab coat, bearing the stains of past sins and a plethora of abominable experiments, he moved in nervous but somehow precise steps, like a walking bottle of nitro, on the look-out for the best place to go off.

EVIL ROBOT:

Black-armoured bulk, all sinister angles and razor edges, flanks bristling with mechanical claws and a sinister host of other attachments ranging from precision instruments of surgical chrome to an assortment of fucking big weapons in a fashionable gunmetal grey. Its chamfered head revolved like a turret, this way and that, scanning everything with a single blood-red slit for an eye, its sole expression a silent, calculating disapproval of the existence of all other life forms. Deep within its ironclad shell, the shadowed suggestion of intelligence, like some alien volcano bubbling with fiery hatred. Bringing up the rear, it trundled along on morphopillar tracks, in a way that made trundling a word to be feared.

Oh yes, they must have made an impressive sight, striding out across the forecourt, the restaurant blazing away in the background. All to a cool techno-rock theme tune.

Until Evil Robot blew the offending busker away.

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4 Comments

  1. Nice start, but one technical issue – where’s the RSS feed so that people can keep up to date with new postings.

    I can find the RSS feed on the Tortenschloss page, but not here. Is there a button you need to press to activate it?

    M.

    • Good point. I’ll look into the layout and see if I can do something about that. Cheers

  2. Great Blog!……There’s always something here to make me laugh…Keep doing what ya do 🙂

    • Thanks. Glad to know you’re enjoying it. Had a temporary break – stressy work stuff getting in the way! But there’ll be more Evil on the way soon!


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  • Vol 1 – Kindle (UK)

  • Vol 2 – Kindle (UK)

  • Vol 3 – Kindle (UK)

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