Back Cover Blurb

Content Guide

Paperback. Kindle. Ebook

Feb 04/2012

Meanwhile

Evil UnLtd Vol 1: The Root Of All Evil is available for the Kindle from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk

Also in other Ebook formats from smashwords.com

And in paperback from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk, with signed copies direct from the author

Evil UnLtd. Above average mean.

SAF

“Due to circumstances beyond our control” are words you would never expect to hear from a member of Evil UnLtd. Circumstances are always under their control, it goes without saying.

However, here at Galaxy Six we are, as it turns out, prone to delays and hiccups. And while Christmas may be a time of miracles – for villains and common folk alike – we have to fess up and admit we were entirely incapable of pulling a miracle out of the bag and delivering Evil UnLtd Vol 2 in time for its December release as originally intended. All it takes for Evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing and some good people just didn’t do enough, frankly.

Alas, it’s been held up in editing.

The sad fact of the matter is, Christmas is a time of festivities and insufferable goodwill to all men, which is just designed to hamper the efforts of evil organisations everywhere. Our only consolation will be watching the globe drown under its annual tide of rampant commercialism and after-dinner immobility.

We will be punishing our editorial team by forcing them to work over the holiday period.

Our revised aim will be to bring Evil UnLtd Vol 2: From Evil With Love to you – making it simultaneously available in print and various ebook formats (Kindle, Nook and Cranny) – by 4th Feb 2012. Watch this space for further updates.

The good news is that work has already commenced on Evil UnLtd Vol 3 and no stone will be left unturned – nor indeed left unthrown at low-grade workers – in our efforts to deliver the third book in this series by Christmas 2012.

Naturally, we appreciate that this will come as a great  disappointment, only likely to be matched on Christmas Day when you open up your presents to find a pack of batteries marked “Socks not included”. But, please bear with us, have heart and we will endeavour to make both books worth the wait.

Oh, and in the meantime, Merry Christmas.*

SAF

*This comment is the work of the author and is not in any way representative of the views of Dexter Snide or the members of Evil UnLtd.

As in:

“Sass that hoopy frood ,Colonel Gaddafi, there’s a guy who really knows where his towel is.”

So be sure to take your towel with you at all times. Soak up the atmosphere of celebration. Lie back a, treat yourself to a jinantonix or a few Pangalactic Gargleblasters and perhaps even an absorbing read.

Since many people who have read Evil UnLtd Vol 1: The Root Of All Evil have described it as ‘a book not quite but almost entirely unlike The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy‘, we here at Evil UnLtd have decided to commemorate this year’s Towel Day by practically giving away Vol 1 of our nefarious adventures.

That’s right, the ebook – available for the Kindle via Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk – and in other ebook formats from smashwords.com – will be selling for the price of a hot cake until *May 27th*. Just click on any of these links for an ebook you’ll love at prices that’ll bankrupt us. (On Smashwords enter the coupon code: RA62R for your discounted ebook.)

So happy reading and remember, a towel is not for rubbing people up the wrong way. That’s our job.

Here’s to Douglas!

SAF

Some people are never satisfied.

Like Evil UnLtd, for instance. It wasn’t enough that they’d launched their enterprise on the Amazon Kindle and then spread their malign influence to other ebook formats, via Smashwords. They weren’t even content to set up their own publishing house. They had to go and set up a broadcasting company. Or hijack an existing one.

Yes, Galaxy Six Broadcasting – the people who brought you Celebrity Minefield Clearance and I’m An Asshole! Make Me Famous! – are under new management. And in addition to the various electronic formats, they will be broadcasting the Evil UnLtd series through the medium of paper.

The first copies of Vol 1: The Root Of All Evil arrived this week and it is a thing of beauty. A shiny, chunky 380pp glossy-cover paperback on clean white depleted rainforest, including three full episodes of the series plus bonus extras, such as The Lonely Planet Guide To Goyle and an exclusive extract, in print for the first time, from Vol 2: From Evil With Love. (Publishing date TBA soon!)

Look at these lovely books. Look at them.

How do you get your hands on one?

Well, you can already order this objet d’artfulness through Amazon, both here in the UK and from the US site.

You can also get your hands on a signed copy via Amazon.co.uk (just click Add To Basket from the seller calling himself sa4ward).

But as an alternative – which will save you on postage – just write to:

Simon Forward

Galaxy Six Broadcasting

5 Alexandra Terrace

Penzance

Cornwall TR18 4NX

supplying your name, return address, how many copies you would like and enclosing a cheque for £9.99 per copy – (that’s £8.99 plus £1 P&P) and we’ll ship you a signed copy, personally dedicated to whoever you’d like.

Galaxy Six. Entertainment, Infotainment, Edutainment and all-round Lobototainment.

SAF

Note: Since a couple of people have inquired about international postage on directly obtained signed copies, I should point out that unfortunately P&P to the USA and Australia, for example, rockets up to between £5-£7, which smacks of prohibitive. We’re happy to ship to sufficiently wealthy individuals in those countries, but do please bear in mind the cost.

Feed The World

It’s Christmastime,
And it’s time to be afraid
At Christmastime,
We like to fight and we might invade
And on your world of plenty
We can try our latest ploy
Selling arms around the world
at Christmastime

Best say a prayer,
Pray you don’t get the flu!
This Christmastime we’ve tried
To bring you something new!
Take a look outside your window,
And it’s a world of dread and fear
Where a giant goat is looming
in the upper atmosphere
And as you sit and wolf down mince pies
Our pet monster likes them too
But tonight as you eat them
It’s eating you

And they’ll all be safe in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life (Oooh)
It’s one place we all know
No aliens will go
Well in the movies it’s un-us-u-al

Here’s to us raise a glass for our efforts!
Here’s to us, we’re Evil Un-Limited!
We’re the ones who did this to you all!

Feed the world
(To the planet-eating beast)
Feed the world
(To the mutant stargoat beast)
Feed the world
To the beast we have unleashed on Earth

Feed the world
To the beast we unleashed for our mirth

(Repeat until you’ve run out of celebrities, making sure to shoot at least one between each chorus.)

All proceeds go to an Evil cause. UK residents can donate here.

US and others can donate here.

Alternatively anyone of any nationality can donate through Smashwords.

SAF

N.B. Mutant stargoat appears as an homage to Douglas Adams and does not feature in the Evil UnLtd universe. Also he appears with hair extensions and his eyelashes were enhanced in post production. Any resemblance between the goat and Cheryl Cole, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Twelve More Mins Reading!

Well, probably a bit more than that, but alas we have reached the culmination of our Twelve Days Of Christmas Evil journey, so I leave you for now with this festive tale full of warmth and goodwill to all men.

No, wait that’s just goodwill to Dexter Snide and his colleagues.

But shhh, don’t tell Evil UnLtd I said so, but, um…

Have a Happy Christmas.

SAF

Eleven Evil Extras!

For a limited time only, Evil Nuggets, a supplementary collection of Extras – including a special preview of Evil UnLtd Volume 2 is available on Amazon .co.uk and Amazon .com for the Kindle.

Fun-sized nuggets coated in some unidentifiable substance but I guess we’d best call them breadcrumbs, according to the Hatchling’s secret recipe. Cheap as chips. Enjoy!

SAF

On the Tenth Day Of Christmas, Evil Gave To Me…

Ten Ebook Coupons!

That’s right. We’re offering ten FREE coupons for a FREE copy of the Evil UnLtd Vol 1 Special Edition (with its host of Extras!) available over on Smashwords for a wide range of ebook readers and/or PC or pretty much anything short of your bedroom ceiling (for which, get a projector, why not). I think I should throw in the word FREE just to round things off.

But, what’s the catch, Mr Snide, I hear you ask? What possible Evil do you wish us to perpetrate in return for this boon?

Nothing. Zip. Nada. Squat. Diddly. Zilch. Zero. Bupkis. You get the picture.

I mean, if you like what you read then we’d love it if you’d post a review on Amazon or on your blog or wherever and tell us about it, but you’re under no obligation. We’d love to hear your thoughts. (And while Prof Doomladen is still working on his telepathic-audio converter, it’s some way off completion. He can pick up some of his own thoughts that he’d believed previously lost and wandering alone in the darkest recesses of his vast mind, but so far we’re not in a position to eavesdrop on anyone else’s brains. Give it time.)

So, if you’d like one of ten free copies of Evil UnLtd Vol 1: The Root Of All Evil. (Special Edition) all you have to do is send me your Evil laugh on Twitter (@prefect4d) or by email (available under Contact on my website www.simonforward.co.uk) or by commenting here at some point today (15th December 2011). We’ll make the closing time midnight (GMT).

First ten tweeters/emailers, first ten copies. Simples, like the meerkat says. If on Twitter, I don’t already follow you, I’ll then do so – and if you don’t much mind, go ahead and follow me, at least long enough so we can exchange Direct Messages and you can receive your coupon.

Happy (FREE) reading!

SAF

Nine Dexterous Smiles.

For such a miserable, utterly Evil bastard, Dexter Snide smiles quite a lot really. Of course, like a weapon it’s in the way that he wields it and his delivery of this expression is one of the simplest ways in which he is characterised. So for fun I thought we could collect together a handful of his best smiles in the interests of discovering what they might tell us about the man…

8)

Sporting a smile you could grate cheese on, he stamped on the intruder’s hand. Hard.

8)

He rewarded them all with a smile so thin it barely manifested itself in more than one dimension.

8)

Dexter concocted a smile that would put paid to the manager’s newfound spirit, like a vet about to put down a family pet, but with none of the sympathetic overtures.

8)

Dexter forced a smile, like he was forcing a brick through a pasta maker.

8)

“Ah, revenge.” Now, there was something Dexter could understand. He smiled the way some people smile when remembering a favourite pudding.

8)

Dexter erected a smile like a firewall. “What would you like to know?”

8)

Dexter turned his head and favoured her with a smile like one of the quality butter substitutes – spreadable when cold and melts away just as easily.

8)

Dexter gave a smile thin enough to give his enemies paper cuts.

8)

Dexter cracked a smile and it curled like a dead autumn leaf.

Hmm, I don’t know about you, but the only conclusion I can draw from that is that he’s a real charmer.

If you wish to sample more of the man’s surgical smiles, then please check out Evil UnLtd Vol 1: The Root Of All Evil available on Kindle via Amazon .com or .co.uk, or the Special Edition, with a host of Extras, available for a wide range of e-readers from smashwords. Remember also if you don’t happen to have a Kindle or a dedicated e-reader, you can download the Kindle software for FREE for your PC, Mac, iPhone, iPad, Blackberry or Android.

Don’t forget that we also offer a FREE E-Shirt with every purchase!

Enjoy. And see if Evil can’t give you something to smile about this Christmas.

SAF